An Open Letter to my Contractions

photo by Lemaire Photography
Let's just put it out there right from the start, contractions: you need to get serious or GTFO.

I know, you are getting my body ready for birth. You are doing your God intended job. Whatever. Let's be real here, all these theatrics are getting a bit tiring. At some point you ought to start moving towards getting this baby out of my belly, and so far you're just wasting away your sweet time and my sweet energy. It's the bit no one's laughing at anymore. You need to move on in your routine, friend.

There was a time, a week or two ago, when the anticipation was exciting and new. Your new tricks and pains made me all giddy, and had me rushing to the store for jell-o and hospital snacks. You had me watching the clock anxiously, timing your arrivals carefully. I wanted you to keep coming back for more. I was getting ready for us to take the next steps in our relationship. It was all butterflies and dreamy eyes, but those early days of courtship are over.

Now you're just feeding me the same lines over and over again. You lay it on thick for a while, leave me breathless at times, and then you're out the door like nothing ever happened. I'm left here with nothing to show but another embarrassing false alarm - apologizing to loved ones because, "I thought it was the real thing this time." I thought you were here to stay. I thought we were heading for the big day. I guess I was wrong.

So I'm here to let you know, I'm done. I need commitment, or you need to hit the road. At the end of the day, I'm wanting a baby, and if you're not ready for that sort of thing, don't bother showing up. Because I am done calling family with your false promises, and I am sure as heck not showing up at the hospital just to be jilted.

Am I making myself clear?

It's not that I don't want you. I just want more from you. I'm done playing games, contractions. I know you have it in you to give me what I'm looking for. I know we can do this thing if you will just pull your weight in this relationship. So put on your man pants, and let's see what you've got.

I'm ready if you are. Let's do this thing.