Now she's here and I can't imagine life without her. But I wonder about the life that might have been sometimes.
I wonder if there would be a hole in my heart, nothing more than a pinprick now, but still noticed every now and again. A pang, quickly fleeting amidst the chaos of life. A longing I couldn't quite place. I wonder if it would grow through the years - an emptiness that refused to be filled. Something would always be missing, and I wouldn't know what. Or maybe I would guess it every now and again, but shrug it off and move on, because really, what else could I do?
And maybe this is why I find it so hard to set my plans in stone again. Because I know what it is to stare awestruck at this babe and know that my life would never be complete without her. I know the overwhelming grace that can come from the unexpected.
I can imagine being here again, looking down at someone I love so deeply that I can't imagine that my world existed before them. Whispering into the tiniest ear, "You were always meant to be."
Nothing's set in stone.
Nothing ever is.