Get Mortified: Another New Year's Resolution

Yes, THAT IS A GLITTERY ACID WASHED DENIM DIARY BEDAZZLED WITH A BUTTERFLY PENDANT. IT'S OKAY TO FEEL JEALOUS.

Yes, THAT IS A GLITTERY ACID WASHED DENIM DIARY BEDAZZLED WITH A BUTTERFLY PENDANT. IT'S OKAY TO FEEL JEALOUS.

If any of you have Netflix, and have not yet done so, go watch the documentary Mortified Nation right this second. Seriously, you will laugh so hard you cry. Then, if you're anything like me, you will dig out your old diaries and start reading them aloud as dramatic monologues.

You probably won't do that, but that's exactly what I did.

I put performing at a Mortified Live event on my life list, dug out a plethora of old journals, and decided right then and there to read aloud to my husband an entry which started:

"You know that Christina Aguilera song Reflection? It is so true to my life right now..."

Even if you don't have the urge to dredge up humiliating middle school writings for public performance, if you ever kept a journal this documentary will surely make you want to revisit your secret childhood ruminations.

I was quite amused to find I categorized my journal entries with notes in the top corner indicating the subject matter of my writings. Categories such as: Seth and Reasons I Like Him or Feelings: School Rules (which should have had the subcategory of Young Feminist Rants) or Top Secrets.

Top Secrets is a wildly overstated category in which I reveal such dramas as that one time I fell down on the blacktop and Brendon Welcker helped me up, and held onto my hand a little too long, and it clearly was a sign of his undying love for me. A similar incident had apparently occurred with Travis Peters. I was pretty irresistible, the written records show.

I kept a regular diary from the age of 12 until I left for college at 18. That's six years worth of pubescent drama, ripe and ready for the stage. I figure performing at a Mortified Live event will be a good first step toward my goal of someday performing standup. Remember how I confessed my weird desire to perform standup that one time? Yeah. That.

So I'd love to know, did you ever keep a journal? Would you ever consider reading some of those embarrassing writings aloud on stage?